As summer fast approaches, I have been enthusiastically been looking forward to swimming. My kids are now both enrolled in a school with an extended school year. This means that our summer will be incredibly short. It's going to be interesting and not a little entertaining to see how we adjust to going back to school on July 13th. I just thought summers went by fast.
So this begs the question: Do I buy a new swimsuit this year? Any female will tell you that this is probably one of the least pleasant shopping adventures one can experience. Of course, all of this is made worse by the "growing older" scenario. What used to be my more favorable features, I now try to hide in strategically placed nylon and lycra. What used to be my less favorable features, heck no, I can't even go there. Why oh why didn't I appreciate my teens and twenties?
Happily, my self awareness is lessened because I have children to police at the pool. They are a good distraction from the self-pitying accidental thigh glances. Their safety and well being trumps my need to stay planted in the beach lounge chair.
So back to the swimsuit. I have high expectations for the one I'm to buy. Here are some of the questions I ask myself when buying a suit.
1. Is it generally flattering? More so, does it disguise things appropriately and make me look slimmer?
2. Is it functional? Will I have any wardrobe malfunctions? Can I actually get in the pool, or out, or bend over, or sit down without incident?
3. Does it defy gravity? Does it lift, nip, tuck, cinch, take 10 years off and fold the laundry?
4. If yes to #3, is it granny-ish? Will it make me look like I should get my hair cut short and permed and wear panty hose and sas sandals?
If #1-3 are positive, and #4 is negative, then I have a swimsuit:)
Oh, what about cost you ask? In the swimsuit selection process, cost is not an issue. If it meets all the criteria above, it's worth it's weight in gold.
So what will this potential suit look like? When I envision it, it looks like this..........
Photo courtesy of internet
In reality, it looks like this..............................
Photo courtesy of the internet
And when I envision myself in it, I look like this.............................
Photo courtesy of the internet
In reality, I probably look a lot more like this........................
Photo courtesy of the internet
Thank goodness I'm taking my kids with me:)
Much love and many laughs,
A
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